Pressing buttons.

If there's one thing that presses my buttons, it's women who blame themselves for everything.
It is the other side of the nourishing, mothering thing. A mother gives of herself as she is pregnant gives birth and as she mothers, and then when anything goes wrong, she blames herself. More specifically, when birth doesn't go the way a woman had hoped, she often blames herself. "If only I had held out and not had the epidural, I might have not ended up with the C-section" (She forgets that it's a set-up, not her "fault" at all)
I listened yesterday to a woman who told a birth story in which she was being attended by a midwife and giving birth naturally "I wish I had coped better" she said, blaming herself. But, upon eliciting the whole story, I hear that the midwife was in the other room during her labor, having given her a dose of nubain to "help her rest". She would doze and then wake up every few minutes unprepared for the massive power of labor with nobody who understood how to help her at her side. Her huband was unprepared and her mother prayed anxiously. The midwife appeared when it was time to push. I cringe to hear that story. How can she blame herself. I want to shout "BLAME THE MIDWIFE". But, out of loyalty to my sister midwives, and because, I suppose outward turning anger would probably be as unproductive as self-blame, I just focus on stressing that "NO, this is NOT your fault. You were in just as much a "situation" as the woman with the epidural in the hospital"
For most women, giving birth naturally requires support, nothing fancy, not necessarily TENS machines, or medication, doula or midwife gimmicks, just loving, confident support.
Pretty simple really.

Saving humanity with birth!

Women are lucky. We can embody nature, change, new life. We are impregnated, we grow and we are one and two at the same time. Then we labor and give birth, embodying the process of nature in a way that men cannot do. Male and female, we all are born, grow, live and die. But lucky women can sense nature and life in a more profound way. We embody it. In the processes of pregnancy, labor, birth and breastfeeding we are the cycle of nature.
Through our experience, our embodiment, our understanding of natural pregnancy, labor, birth, breastfeeding, mothering, we can touch this hard, metal, concrete, mechanistic world and influence a return to common sense.
Trusting your body and giving birth naturally empowers you to trust yourself as a parent, to parent intuitively as you gave birth intuitively. Giving birth naturally empowers women to parent with love as we gave birth with love. And the children we parent with love and trust in nature, will love and trust in nature themselves. They are those who will live life honestly and with respect for themselves and those around them.
This is not a self-indulgent thing that we do when we give birth naturally. This is a step in the saving of humanity.

A long labor

A long labor can be very laid back but have a certain tension at the same time. A long labor the other day. A lot of hanging out: midwives snacking, mother snacking a little, father dozing, mother moaning, mother resting, midwives gossiping, father massaging, doula pumping milk(!), midwives wondering, mother swaying. Midwives wondering. There is a certain intensity to the wondering and the helping and the evaluating that we do. There is even a certain tension to the studied calmness. And then, of course things develop and the mother is pushing and then the baby is visible and the release of tension and excitement is huge. And then the baby slips out into his father's arms with his crazy long head and his big cry and it's all messy and the relief and the release are immense. That's the way it is sometimes.

midwifery's ripples

Sometimes I think, a little disheartened, "How can a few natural births in a corner of Texas change this overwhelming world order?" I hope that the ripples outward from every woman who feels strengthened in her natural instincts, in her common sense and in her self confidence, by becoming a mother and by giving birth naturally will touch the world. Scientific rationalism, corporate power and a technological (sorry) male view, are so strong..... But the ripple of biological mothering instincts are persistent. I am optimistic. I know that there is really no choice for a human future on earth besides the force of nature from which we spring. It's only common sense!

How are you feeling? And I repeat back to you

A prenatal visit begins with "How are you feeling?" No, that's not true, a prenatal visit begins with sitting comfortably face to face.
Then, "How are you feeling?" I ask. A pregnant woman answers "Good.... tired." Then, with a sigh, "The baby moves like crazy and then I can't sleep and then I have to get up to pee". I respond by repeating back "You're uncomfortable and not sleeping well....". "Yes, I'm tired of this pregnancy. It's getting old". "Oh dear, you are feeling impatient" I am just repeating back and not putting words in her mouth, but we have moved from the simple, often insoluble physical challenges of pregnancy, to the attitude, state of mind sorts of things about which we really have more control.
Later she says "And now my mom has decided that she's coming for the birth." "How do you feel about that?" "Well of course I love my mom and she really wants to be here but I thought it was just going to be me and Chris". "Your mom wants to be here but you visualize the birth differently," I repeat. "Yes, but it's really important to her to be here, I think. She's really excited about it" She is focusing on her mother's feelings not her own, so I will bring her back to her own. "Yes, but what do YOU think about her plan to be here?"
Repeating what my client says to me is a simple tool that creates connection. And the connection that I mean is not between me and my client, it is between the client and her own feelings. When she feels something and says it, she feels it more and then when I says it back to her, she feels it even more. And the more she feels it, the more she gets it, the more she learns and finds solutions.
My clients know the magic tool that I have on my window sill. It's a spiral-bound flip-book called "The Pocket Midwife" It is a book of perfect affirmations for pregnant women. At the end of the visit they flip it open at random and magically the message is perfect for that moment. A woman who is past her due date and fed up will get "I am patient and composed" A woman who is anxious about the birth process will flip to "My body knows exactly what to do" A woman who is feeling overwhelmed may turn to "I ask for and receive what I need" The woman reads the message out loud. There is power in speaking things out loud. There is power in repetition. The pregnant woman leaves the prenatal visit strengthened and empowered, a feeling that will be expanded upon as she experiences labor, birth, breastfeeding and mothering.

Hope on a beautiful spring day

Went to the The Heard Museum in McKinney. It was the end of the day and the light was sharp and clear. I walked a few minutes on the trail and was quickly alone. I walked along the boardwalk that takes you out into the wetlands. Bare trees were emerging from the water into the bright sky and huge birds sweeping across the swamp. The natural world must be preserved and can be restored. The people who, in hope and commitment, have worked to restore this place, are like the women who believe in the way that our bodies work, and are committed enough to give birth naturally. They are the hope of humanity on this beautiful planet.

The thorny topic of Birth and the God thing

I'm going to dive into this potentially very thorny topic. Birth and the God thing.
Pregnant women have an aura about them. Their sensitivity is all over their beautiful bodies. Their specialness could be called sacred. The moment of birth is unique in its power. It demands honor and respect, and also awe. You might call it a moment of holiness. For many, feeling this truth leads directly to their faith, a specific faith, and for many it does not. The power, the holiness the awe, the sacredness of it all are real whether you are believer (Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Wiccan, Zoroastan) or an atheist.
So, when a client asks me about my faith, my beliefs, I answer. But I do not like the question. This is not only because this question for me is very personal, at least as personal as my political opinions, but more because the client usually wants to gauge my sensitivity to the spiritual aspects of birth, and I do not think that religious belief and being in tune with the spiritual are necessarily connected. Does not an atheist woman sense equally the power of the moment of the birth of her child as the woman of strongly held religious belief? Of course.
I respect the power of giving birth and I respect the women giving birth enough to know this.